haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
