Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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