The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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