It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
