I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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