Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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