I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
