vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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