Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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