my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
