At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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