i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
do herpes really smell.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
