i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
