I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
