at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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