I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We smell like vodka and hangover
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