There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
