Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
