thus making me awesome and them whores
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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