I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
