PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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