Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
