be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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