ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
