My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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