new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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