I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
