my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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