I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
