Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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