I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
