Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
