No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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