I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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