Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
