There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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