so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
