Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
