I think my fart just growled at me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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