I think my vagina is haunted
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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