I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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