I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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