Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
