I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
