why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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