you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
