So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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