Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
