enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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