Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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